...Season of Preparation??? I Guess.

When does the grieving process begin? When does the grieving process end? Receiving some not so good news definitely causes you to think about life and how precious it is. I always imagined that my grandparents would be around FOREVER! I always knew that someday reality would sink in and that they would not be here, yet I'm not prepared or ready to face that reality!

My grandmother and me .... Champagne @ an early age LOL

My grandmother and grandfather - April 2009 (his 87th birthday celebration)

When you talk about weaknesses, this is my weakness. Separation - I don't do well. God prepare me now! OMG! I already cry at everything under the sun, but the thought that someone I care about is in pain and there is nothing that I can do about it, ugh, bothers me! My grandmother is the heartbeat of my family, well my dad's side of the family. I know beyond a shadow of doubt that if I ever needed anything, she would be RIGHT there. Now there are some things that I regret -- like not spending more time with her when I could have, but I'm certainly making sure I do it now and that's what counts. As much as I would rather reflect and remember the positives, the laughs, her in a healthy state, I have to be supportive to her now in her moment of weakness and not be selfish (although it is really frightening and scary that some day she won't be here).

It gives me joy that she has been one to always acknowledge my belief and relationship with Christ. No matter what decision I've made, she has been there, encouraging me to make it work. Even in college when I wanted to join a certain sorority, she said, "Felicia, there are only two sororities out there --- Alpha Kappa Alpha and Delta Sigma Theta, choose one!" LOL! Hilarious! She is not a member of any organization but somehow she is well connected and well-loved. Not a member of either at this time...however, maybe one day I shall (SMILE). Right now, Delta Psi Epsilon Christian Sorority keeps me busy. Anyway, my grandmother has been the one to consistently ask me what I'm doing with this weight I carry. Felicia, what are you doing to lose this weight....every conversation! Geez, grandma! LOL! So for you...I WILL get it together. Soooooo many wonderful memories and I guess I'll reflect on those to keep my spirits up during this time.

I started off writing this w/ tears, yet God is wiping away the tears and putting them in a jar. I really thank God for the life that she has led and although we are praying and she is fighting for her life right now, I'm confident that God is well pleased with the life that she has led. She has taken care of her husband, her children, her grandchildren, and her great grand-child. She is simply amazing and I celebrate her life.