Sunday, May 2, 2010
You Matter
YOU DO MATTER! Those three words are all that I keep hearing at this point. It's weird because today I'm celebrating with one of my friends (my SISTA) daughters (my NIECE) 14th birthday. The love that a mother has for their child, the bond that is shared, is unlike any other relationship. The Bible instructs us to honor thy mother and thy father so that thy days may be long on the earth. Sitting in the car on the way home from church and I began to reflect on the relationship that I have with my mother and my father. When did that special bond change to the point where we are at now? When did I, as their child, stop mattering to them. The void felt from not having them present, concerned, and INVOLVED in my life (yes they are both alive), has been something that has been filled by temporary pleasures and inappropriate/mishandled relationships. Kelly Price sings..."I need a healing for my soul...". Lord I need a healing! So many tears have been shed because things are just NOT the perfect picture I see or imagine what a family should be. Attempts to change it constantly and parts of me are TIRED of trying.
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2 comments:
As I sit here reading this, I too understand exactly what you are saying. I have a parent(my father) who is deceased. However even when he was alive, I can't tell you how many times he picked up the phone, or said happy birthday. I can't say that because I can however tell you the countless times where I longed to smell him. When I just wanted to come home and have my dad there, or be excited to see him come through the door. All this while he was still living. When he was taken away from me at age 12, all hope of ever having a relationship like that with any man, was shattered. The circumstances that ended with my fathers death, were so devastating that a relationship with my brother was ruined. Now that we are both adults, we barely talk. I don't know his children like I should. Because of this, just the other day, I said hello to my oldest niece. She asked "who are you? and how do I know you?" That hurt me to the core.
18yrs later, and I long to have a father in my life. NO matter who I became close with I still have that longing for my father. This too has led me into relationships and meaningless empty pleasures that left me longing for more than what I went into it originally with.
Hearing the work YOU MATTER, bring tears to my eyes. God has granted me some TRUE relationships with some of the best people in the world. I had to allow the hurt I feel the be the fuel to live my life and love, because if I didn't then I was just letting the cycle of making others that were important to me, feel the way I felt/feel.
Keep your head up. and YOU MATTER!
All I can say is WOW! I thought I was the only one! WE both share the same stories almost to the "T". My father was out of my life at a very, very early age and he is now deceased. So much I can share with you two ladies about that but it really hit home. I recently received healing in my heart of this about a year ago. I'll likely blog about it later so I'll just give you the rough draft. :) I was journeling, you know kinda talking to the Lord and all of a sudden the letter that was intended to be for the Lord turned into a letter to my father telling him how he was never there to teach me how to ride a bike, he didn't tuck me in at night, he didn't those special noises that I probably would have thought were created just for me. He didn't mean my first boyfriend or "threaten" him...All the things a young girl NEED from her father. It is soooo important not only for a boy to have his father to teach him to be a man but for the girl to be taught how a man should treat her. Turned down some wrong paths trying to figure this one out...I thank God His GPS re-routed me! Thanks for the post!! Stay tuned...
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